i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
