can we get nightvision for the apartment?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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