so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
