Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
