You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
