someone threw a dead crab at me
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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