that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
