why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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