I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
