I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
