Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i think i have two assholes
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Randomize
