How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
