During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
