I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
