I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
