You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
