Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
