I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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