i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
