I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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