Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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