it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she told me i tasted like america
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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