Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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