U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
one might say we're banned from that church
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
