found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I could make wine with my vomit
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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