Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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