My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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