Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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