I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
