you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
