I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
