I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
