Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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