Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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