Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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