She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
