Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
