I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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