just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
