dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
