be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
