he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
