my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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