i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
