My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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