Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
