He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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