Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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