To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
