Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
